Gothic BBWs and Admirers

You Might be Goth if . . .

You pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit

You paid more then that for a fancy case to hold them in

You stop using the case cause someone else has one just like it

You won't get in a fight because it might smudge your make up

You wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black lipstick on your face

In the winter you go to bed before Dawn and wake up after dark

In the Summer you go to bed before Dawn and wake up after dark

People can't tell whether you're searching for a missing contact or dancing

The only day people don't look at you strange is is Halloween

You don't know whether the person you're sleeping with is male or female until you're actually in bed with them

You don't care

The shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"

You were rooting for the vampires in "From Dusk Til Dawn", "Lost Boys", etc.

You compare all possible partners to them

The Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child

You watch Sesame Street as an adult just to see The Count

You wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer

You would rather not wear a coat in Winter then have it clash with your outfit

You can define 15 shades of black

You dye black clothing Blacker

You have almost gotten in a wreck because your platform boots or your drape sleeves got in the way

You own more clothing made of velvet, satin, leather and/or PVC than you have ever owned jeans

You tell a friend "I will wear the black outfit" and they say "which one?"

You tell a friend "I will wear the long black dress" and they say "which one?"

You tell a friend "I will wear the long black dress with sleeves to the floor" and they say "which one?"

You wear sunglasses in the produce department at night

You wear devil horns in the produce department at night

You wear devil horns to Denny's anytime

You go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people"

You know the names of the night-shift waitresses at Denny's

And they know yours

You have written poetry at Denny's

You have silverware from Denny's in your car

You consider coffee, cloves and booze the 3 food groups

You have more candles in your house then light bulbs

You have more candles in your house then a Catholic Church

You have candles in your house you took from a Catholic Church

You include trips to different graveyards on any plans you make to travel

You have had pictures taken of you in a graveyard

You have pictures of you in graveyard in every state you have ever been to

You have had sex in a graveyard

You have had sex in a graveyard in every state you have been to

You have Pictures of you having sex in every graveyard you have been to

You spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre

Your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way they used to

Your girlfriend complains that you look better in her black, velvet skirt than she does

You refer to others as "The Normals" or "Mundanes"

You only want to grow poisonous flowers in your garden

You think dead flowers are prettier than live ones

You think anything dead is pretty

You refer to your age in mortal years

You get offended if anyone calls you Mortal or Human

You give yourself the honorary title of Lord or Lady

You laugh at anyone who gives themselves the honorary title of Lord or Lady then buy them a drink

You know what a Malkavian is

You know what a Malkavian is because you've been there, done that and you have the t-shirt

You have been killed by a Malkavian at least once

You dressed as The Crow for Halloween one year

You have dressed as The Crow for Halloween the past few years

People asked you "why didn't you dress up fo Halloween" and you are dressed as the Crow

The club you frequent has concocted an original drink called "The Vampire's Kiss"

You buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose

You think blood is "pretty"

Your boots have more eyes then you have years

Your boots are tall enough that you would get hurt if you fell off of them

Your boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child for two years

You would live on Ramen for two years if you could just find the right pair of boots

You have worn costume fangs to a Goth club

You have worn costume fangs to Denny's

You have worn costume fangs to a family dinner

And your family did not notice the difference

You've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery

You have more synth hair then real hair

You have hair a color that does not exist in nature

You get offended when someone in your family tells you that you are looking healthy these days

You own 16 or more Cleopatra c.d.'s

You own even 1 Projekt c.d.

You are always trying to find bands your friends have not heard of yet

When someone else "discovers" your favorite band, you find another favorite band

You are always trying to find clothes your friends don't have yet

You get rid of clothes when your friends start wearing the same thing

Christians accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently

Jehovah's Witnesses accost you with pamphlets on the street frequently

You accost Christians with pamphlets on the street

Satanists just look at you and smile

You look at them and Laugh

Friday the Thirteenth is your lucky day

You can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier

But you look to both for fashion advice

You decide Wednesday blows them both away

You could spend $500 on just make up

You could easily blow $500 in a Halloween store

You wish the Halloween store was open all year

Instead of after Christmas shopping you do after Halloween shopping

You buy gifts for your friends in the Halloween store

You were disappointed to find out that "American
Gothic" is a portrait of two farmers

You know lines from "American Psycho" by heart

You have seen "Nightmare before Christmas" more than seven times

You can quote lines from it by heart

You own at least 3 items wiht "jack" on them

You own every movie Tim Burton has ever made

You try to find household items in black

You use black cotton balls

You have painted your fingernails black

You have painted your fingernails black with a marker and not even noticed you were doing it

You claim the Chupacabra is a friend/relative of yours

You claim the Chupacabra is a pet of yours

You claim that YOU are the Chupacabra

You own a hearse

You own a hearse and don't work in a funeral parlor

You keep a coffin in the back as "decoration"

You keep a coffin in the back as a bed

You think of the hearse as the "family car"

You think heresy is a religion

You claim heresy as YOUR religion

You own a rosary that you wear

Upside down

You wouldn't touch a cross with a six foot pole

You own a glow-in-the-dark rosary that hangs from the rearview mirror in your car

You fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000 years

You have argued on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic view on vampires

You have actually refused to talk to someone after this debate

You wish to name your first born Lestat

You plan to name your first born after ANY Anne Rice character

You didn't know they were character names

You decorate your Christmas Tree with Bats and black ribbon.

You wear a mourning veil to your best friends wedding.

So did she

All her bride maids wore black.

So did she

You don't take anti-depressants cause they might ruin the mood

You have a purse that is small and black and only hold your lipstick and eyeliner and enough money for drinks

Your purse is large, square and metal

The purse has scratches from being used in a fight

It has scratches from being kicked on the dance floor

This is the reason it was scratched in a fight

You think bats are "cute"

Your family has finally started to buy you goth gifts

You mom calls to tell you she saw the cutest little spider pin at the store and she thought of you

You've been with your significant other for over a year and still wonder what they look like without make up

You and your boyfriend fight over make up

You decide to get matching his/hers make up caddies to separate your make up

You smudge your lipstick on purpose to look like Robert Smith

You eat those limited edition pop-tarts just because they have bats on them

You save them because Hey!...they're limited edition

You call them goth-tarts

You know what Renfield's Disease is

You have Renfield's Disease

You have taken anything on this list personally

You were offended

You laughed cause it reminds you of your friends


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