Poor BBW Admirers

The BBW & Admirers Social Network

Posted by WeirdnWonderful on March 24, 2008 at 4:03pm in Love & Relationships

I've registered on a few BBW sites and have come to realise that this is actually the best one (no, I'm not trying to suck up here). The people on here seem to be real and I find it terrific that they actually express themselves freely. Annnnnyyyyway, I've been reading through some posts and profiles and have come to one question.......are BBW admirers under more pressure than the actual women whom they desire??? Yeah, so we're overweight but we've come to realise that and, probably after many failed diets to conform to society, we've decided to shove those ideas where the sun don't shine and just make the best of what we have (which is more than others could ever give). But why is it that bbw admirers have such a problem with standing up to their views and opinions? Is it pressure from society, family, friends? Is it because they too have low self esteem and don't want to be humoured? What are they afraid of? Is it easier to come out of the closest as a homosexual than a bbw admirer?

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Permalink Reply by Jess on March 24, 2008 at 4:19pm: I saw the one admirer compare coming out of the closet as an admirer to admitting to being gay and, all I can say is, wow...

I'll be interested to follow this discussion. Thanks for starting it.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by indoor_bbw_lover on March 24, 2008 at 4:46pm: For me it is hearing praises from my friends. When you introduce a girl to a friend you want to hear that she is hot. Unfortunately you don't here that with a bbw on your arm, instead you things like you can do better than that or damn you have no taste in women. I have started to tell friends I like big girls but they think I'm clowning around. Next thing for me to do is to walk proudly with a bbw on my arm. I know that will take alot of guts for me to do. I, however don't think its as bad as coming out the closet as being gay.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by B. on March 24, 2008 at 7:46pm: Indoor - I really don't mean to give you all the heat but I'm so incredibly frustrated by you!!!!! Your "friends" should want you to be happy. If you let them dictate your life you will end up miserable. You're 24 years old - you are an individual who has feelings and thoughts and opinions. If your friends force you to live a lie why on earth are you friends with them?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Krissy on March 25, 2008 at 8:52pm: I have to ask the man who hesitates because of what his friend thinks...Which would you rather hold in your arms and make love to you...your friend's ideal woman or yours? Would your friend deny himself a date with his idea of the perfect woman because of you?

A TRUE FRIEND will be happiest when they see you are happy, and will accept the partner you choose as they accept you. After all, a friend (hopefully) has your best interests at heart. Don't you feel frustrated and deprived when you aren't able to freely express your desire to be with a woman you're genuinely attracted to?

One suggestion I have for dealing with a critical friend is to tell him, "Hey, look at it this way...I'm one less guy you have to worry about trying to sleep with your woman!"; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by indoor_bbw_lover on March 29, 2008 at 10:00am: Well I'm not as miserable as one may think because I find beauty in thin women and bbws it just matters how a person carries themselves and the amount confidence one have.
I think it would change if I met the right bbw because about 4years ago I met a bbw that I had a connection with so much that I told myself It wouldn't matter what People think, I would be with her. To make the long story short she moved and I lost touch with her.
Although I have alot you beautiful ladies coming down on me I appreciate it. I think my views will change with me being on this site.
To set the record straight I don't think bbws are easy nor am I on this site to meet anyone. I'm on here to chat and see other people who are like minded.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by David on March 28, 2008 at 4:00am: Personally, no. But I do admit it is hard. But viewing the surroundings and people I know that are admirers; yes. The social pressure is enourmous. Taking home a fat girl is simple viewed as a "failure". And a lot of guys are being told by their female friends that they dont wanna get known as the guy "who takes home the fat girl". Is it any wonder?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Jess on March 28, 2008 at 5:27am: "Taking home a fat girl is simple viewed as a 'failure'."

That is such a sad commentary on society. Seriously. Even if the girl is very lovely or intelligent or funny, it saddens me that the only thing that some people still see is whether or not someone is "fat."

Even here, there seems to be a line between the bbws and the ssbbws. We're all women, goshdarnit!?! Why do we need labels to differentiate us. Why do we need labels period?

I want to be known as me, not as a label.

Also, I find it disheartening that so many women in the US are plus size - I think the average size is actually a plus size 14 or 16, isn't it? - so, all those plus size gals are out there, feeling unwanted, because any man who might consider them beautiful IN SPITE OF ALL THE NEGATIVES SOCIETY SAYS ABOUT US are worried that their friends/family will think of them as a "failure" for being with her.

No wonder the divorce rate is so high now...

Women are being devalued and not respected as individuals, and men are looking only for outer "beauty" or thinness to determine who is worthy of being a partner for life.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by WeirdnWonderful on March 28, 2008 at 9:29am: Shallowness prevails! Oh well, thanks for the comments everyone. I don't feel enlightened but appreciate your honesty.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Emily on March 28, 2008 at 10:25am: This topic depressed me. It just showed me how men really are.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by B. on March 28, 2008 at 11:11am: I agree with you Emily. But I would just like to defend the men out there who truly do appreciate us and are PROUD to be seen with us. They exist - trust me - and we all deserve a man who will feel lucky to have found us.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Samantha on March 29, 2008 at 9:34am: I can't help but sit here and laugh a little. The entire premise of this conversation is just sad! The "men," if that's what we are calling them, at this point, really make me just...roll my eyes in annoyance.

Your friends don't think your gf is hot? OMG! The world's going to end. Please tell me you're kidding...no, seriously. How old are we? Like the other amazing women in here have said, if these boys were really your friends, they'd want you to be happy. The end. Same for your family. If they are judging you and who you date, they really sound like swell, mature people.

It's like my boyfriend said when I was REALLY nervous to meet both his family and friends, "I love you, and that's the only opinion I really care about."

It really saddens me to think that these guys who are hiding their desires are so easily led to do other things. What weak minds.

It's probably a good thing they don't bother BBW's in real life. What self respecting BBW would want a guy like that?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by pinky tuscadero on March 29, 2008 at 10:38am: This is a great conversation, and I think it's OK for men to be honest about their ambivalence. It's hard when one's desires are viewed as being outside of the norm, and the gay analogy wasn't entirely off base and didn't offend me in the least.

At the end of the day, women in our society are still a unit of exchange. At many weddings, the father still "gives" the bride away, as if she were his to give in the first place. In days of yore (and still, but to lesser extent, today) marriages were intended to improve the wealth and/or power of the families involved.

When a man walks down the street with a woman on his arm, he is still communicating, through the signifier of woman, his social status. We're fools if we don't acknowledge this. So the question is, what is signified by the body of a bbw?

I have a couple of thoughts. Some people may perceive us as unhealthy or lazy (and some of us are). In terms of health, we're still biological creatures. It is common for heavy women to have trouble with reproduction. Many desires are based in biological fact, but i think that most are culturally constructed.

A large female body is seen as somehow obscene... "how dare she indulge, how dare she take up so much space, how dare she not be as hard and taut as an erect cock!"

And the latter brings me to my last point... that of fetish. I lot of people perceive the bbw body as a kind of fetish. May I suggest that the typical thin, "hard" body of the siliconed Playboy type is even more of a fetish.

Per Freudian psychoanalytic theory, a fetish is a substitution that is intended to allay castration anxiety. A kind of substitute for the mother's "missing" penis. Who's body looks more like a hard penis? Mine or Paris Hilton's?

Men who truly love the bbw body are perhaps more secure, less in need of a substitute cock...; ▶ Reply to This