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Permalink Reply by Kirsty on August 20, 2007 at 1:50pm

lmao - ah is that a man against dieting ? lmao

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Permalink Reply by RavishingRuby on August 24, 2007 at 2:58pm

It is nice of you to encourage us to stay BBWs. No doubt, the BBWs on these sites are gorgeous ladies. I wonder myself why men don't prefer them just as much as thinner women.

However, I have read the profiles of many wonderful men on match.com or yahoo personals who are ideal in every way, but I don't meet one important standard: body type. Mutual attaction is a must in many cases. And over the years, I have come across so many non-BBW admirers I have reached a breaking point. I wish to be thinner to attract what I deserve.

What's the point of being a beautiful big woman, if you're single? I seek to love someone to be "complete" but the odds aren't stacked in my favor. BBW admirers in Houston (too few), in Texas (too far), and in States (too too far). I am in college. I see oddles of guys, girls getting engaged/married, and I am not even in a healthy romantic relationship. Weight loss, though very challenging, does increase the likelihood of desirable romantic relationship.

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Permalink Reply by RavishingRuby on September 15, 2007 at 9:21pm

To me, heaven on earth is realizing a man means the world to you. And you mean the world to him.
And I haven't been in love with someone in quite sometime. I suppose that's what I am getting at when I say that I want a man to complete me. I wanna be loved.

I believe the root cause of not falling in love is having a poor selection of men to choose from.
I feel my body type is a hindrance to my quest for love.
I prefer to date men my age. However, men my age tend to prefer thin women.
I have faced that reality for all of high school and most of college.

I don't want to date shallow men at any body size, but young men tend to be shallow. I have had male friends confide to me and be blunt about the male's perspective on dating. One explained it like this: "Men are constantly competing against themselves to prove they have the best (women, money, possessions, power, etc) to stroke their ego or augment their bragging rights over other male friends. That's why men tend to go after the hottest women." Another guy said, "Why would I go for a girl who I rate a 3, when there is a 9.0 in the same room? The odds of falling in love with a woman based solely on her personality is low." Though his words were harsh, as the truth can be, I realized as a BBW I wasn't even being considered.

And like it or not, men tend to treat attractive women better than unattractive women.
I've gone on blind dates. And have had guys promising the world and wonderful future together before we met in person, but as soon as they decided I wasn't attractive. POOF! Those plans and thoughts vanished. Believe me Korina, if there were a oddles of guys locally: that were ideal in many respects, admirers of bbws, single and smitten with me, I would be thrilled to remain a BBW. I would like to lose weight and be thinner to be found more attractive by the male species in general. I will concede it is easier said than done.

Even Kirstie Alley, with her wealth and recognition couldn't sustain the belief: "If anyman loves me, he should love me for my personality not my body type." She found that the admirers were scarce as a thicker woman. She reverted to the skinnier version of herself and the admirers returned. Wow!

If I am not arousing them visually as a BBW, then I am not worthy of their love, energy or time.
I am seeking love for both my personality and my body.

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Permalink Reply by Justine on September 30, 2007 at 5:27pm

A man that truly LOVES you is one who will ENHANCE your life not complete it. If you are thinking you need to be smaller in size to achieve true love, you're wrong! Look at it this way, say you got down to a size 8 land one of those college boys (who wouldn't of chose you being larger) and a horrible accident happens and you lose your breasts. Do ya think he'd stay with ya? Probably not. Unfortunately, someone that is shallow enough to not choose you because of your size is also shallow enough to do away with you if you were thin with
a 'defect'. That is not love. If you only want physical satisfaction, there are plenty of sites to help ya achieve that, believe me, there are men who'd be more than happy to have sex with you...only requirement is you be alive. But we're talking LOVE, that's more complex and goes deeper than appearances. You can capture anyone's heart being a bbw, problem is, he's got to be man enough to accept is feelings and not be concerned with bragging and showing off to his peers. See, the problem doesn't lie with you...its with them. Ultimately, its their loss. Don't worry, it WILL happen and when it does, you'll be amazed and walking on the clouds. I know from first hand experience. I was patient and had to go through all the hoops but the payoff was so well worth it! You can see for yourself, my sweetheart is Senwolf, a member here. In fact, he got me to join this site. He's the greatest, I can't say enough about him. I believe that good things come to those who wait...in a BIG way! Hang in there, you're gorgeous from what I can see and I'm more than sure that you'll meet your 'prince charming' when you least expect it

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Permalink Reply by Krissy on September 30, 2007 at 4:40pm

LOL...thanks Monkey! But I have something to add.

At age 49, I can reflect back on my life as an overweight woman and recall how many years I spent wishing I had the perfect hourglass figure rather than be an SSBBW. I didn't like how rude people were about my size, and became more and more frustrated as each relationship resulted in a cheating partner. But I was determined to not be alone and tried various weight loss plans; feeling the closer I was to having society's idea of the ideal figure, the greater my chances would be of meeting and keeping a good-looking, successful, and respectful man. Needless to say, the weight would never stay off long. I did however; succeed in making a couple positive changes over time.

When I got online in my early 40's, I had about 6 yrs of sobriety under my belt along with over 3 yrs of celibacy which started even before my son’s alcoholic father was out of my life. Having used that time to regroup; I finally felt ready to try dating again and concentrated my efforts strictly on BBW dating sites, groups, and chats. Being among men who prefer larger women has been enlightening. While getting attention and hearing numerous compliments is great...to my surprise, even when surrounded by BBW-loving men I find there are those who are downright ignorant, those who will try to take advantage, and those who only keep me around as long as I play their game.

***LIGHT BULB GOES ON***

All those years I spent torturing myself; thinking it was my being overweight that caused men to cheat and treat me badly, when in reality it’s simply because that’s how a lot of men behave! It wasn’t about my size after all! We’re lucky as BBW’s, because those Barbie-type women that are so envied are dealing with even more crap than we are! Since more men are attracted to thinner women, those women have to deal with even more jerks that are disrespectful and only see women as a means to an end. Face it girlfriends, faithful men who truly respect women are few and far between...PERIOD! Losing the weight won’t do anything except maybe make us a little healthier.

The bottom line is: What the media tells us is desirable changes from season to season. If you’re happy with the woman you are, bask in it....and don’t allow anything or anyone to stand between you and your values!!! The last thing you wanna do is change your physical appearance thinking it's going to make finding a good man any easier!

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Permalink Reply by organizedmayhem on January 17, 2008 at 10:52pm

Kudos Krissy! I'm 49 also and knocking on 50's door very soon. I've been overweight since childhood and have only fleeting memories of being anything but large (you know, when you lose weight on some crazy diet). Having never been married, I certainly know the pain of rejection and lonliness, but one thing I have learned over the years.... far worse to be lonely in love then just plain lonely. You're right... if a guy doesn't respect who you are as a person, then he won't respect you thick or thin. And so I keep reminding myself that I am worthy of the kind of man I deserve and I wait..... Jan

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Permalink Reply by melonee on September 30, 2007 at 8:09pm

I think if a person were to lose weight for health reasons or just because they want to then thats ok. But to try and lose weight for society's view of what is beautiful or pretty is insane. Who decides what is beautiful.......we do. All of us as individuals need to decide for ouselves what we find beautiful. So really all I have to say is fat is where its at, only dogs want bones.

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Permalink Reply by hb4ever on October 17, 2007 at 2:37am

Honestly I am comfortable for who I am....but also checking into lapband due to health reasons. Damaged hip etc.
What's funny tho and I think someone mentioned it too...you go to other dating sites and alot of men that I would be very interested in, wouldn't even give me the time of day. But see that's ok....if I meet a man the size I am and he loves me for me....then he'll still love me for me when I do lose the weight. Like I posted at one site...when they were discussing bbw...I told them, the guys that wouldn't look my way right now...well if they even try after the weight loss, I'll tell them to take a hike. I am me, and I will always be me, whether I am a short fiesty italian or a short skinny italian lol

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Permalink Reply by Sweets on November 30, 2007 at 1:44am

Ya sure don't hear THAT often. lol

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Permalink Reply by purplemoon on July 14, 2008 at 2:27am

That's so sweet! But some of us have to in order to live longer. Sometimes, even when we love ourselves, we have to do it for our health.

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